Sunday, May 27, 2012

been talkin 'bout the way things change.

ive always been one to claim adventure as my own.
spontaneous trips...unplanned events...
trusting that locals will tell me whats best to eat & the most awe-inspiring to see...
and now all of that adventure is coming to a head;
see, the adventure is no longer an isolated event.
it is now my life.
and when it comes right down to it......
[im a bit terrified by the unknown.]

friends, i am moving to nashville.

i know, i know. that doesnt seem like a big deal. its only 3.5 hours from my hometown & 5 hours from saint louis. im close enough to entertain visitors, and definitely close enough to venture back to my loved ones during school breaks.

but it is change.

at this point, i have been a part of the saint louis atmosphere for 6 years.
and to think of it even beyond that, my whole adult life has been spent under the shadows of the arch & within ear shot of the screaming cardinal nation. this is home.

i cannot express the feeling that overtakes me at the thought of leaving. but the grace of god is real & he is so good. i have prayed and struggled and weighed options....nashville is where i am supposed to least for this season of life. it is in gods grace & the discernment that he has given, that i rest.
i rest knowing that he is writing a better story for my life than i could ever write for myself.

that doesnt take away the struggle, though. i am excited, but still.....i cry; i say goodbyes; i think of all i will miss. theres nothing wrong with working your way through something, feeling all your emotions fully & with abandon. christ doesnt call us to hide our emotions. he does call us to trust in his grace above all else, and to glorify him in all circumstances. and it is in adversity that we often see his grace & goodness the clearest.

"draw near to god, and he will draw near to you." --james 4:8
"cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares for you." --1 peter 5:7
"in his heart a man plans his course, but the lord determines his steps." --proverbs 6:9
"the lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." --exodus 14:14

i love that i can trust a god who promises such beautiful, beautiful things. 

so, in this time, some things are harder. some things strike me differently than before. a few days ago, i was in the car, and i heard the beginning notes of a favorite song. i started to belt the lyrics, but could not get them out. the words stuck in my throat, because all of a sudden, they were relevant & true. they applied & that hurt. 

that song:

"a year from now we'll all be gone; all our friends will move away.
and theyre going to better places, but our friends will be gone away.
nothing is as it has been, and i miss your face like hell.
and i guess its just as well, but i miss your face like hell.
been talkin 'bout the way things change.
and my family lives in a different state.
and if you dont know what to make of this, then we will not relate.
said, if you dont know what to make of this, then we will not relate.
rivers & roads, rivers & roads, rivers til i reach you."

saint louis, you have a place in the very deepest chamber of my heart.
and regardless of distance, the rivers & roads will lead us to one another again.

1 comment:

Jillian said...

love you so much.